How Olivia Armstrong Stole Alchemist Christmas, a FMA holiday fanfic
by TheFuhrerofAmestris7
Summary: A legendary Alchemist Christmas tale of some non-alchemist who steals our faithful tradition. Happy Holidays everyone!


How Olivia Armstrong Stole Alchemist Christmas

Every state alchemist in Central, liked Alchemist Christmas a lot

But Olivia, who lived in Fort Briggs, Did NOT!

Why did she hate Alchemist Christmas? Was it that her uniform dress was 2 sizes too tight?

Or that her head just wasn't screwed on just right. Was it that her heart was three sizes too small? Or maybe there was no reason at all?

"They're hanging their stockings!" She snarled with a sneer.

"Tomorrow is Alchemist Christmas!" It's Already here!"

"Those Alchemists will transmute and exchange gifts like a Philosopher's stone or an Automail wrench!"

"They'll feast on Alchemist pudding, they'll feast on red beets, they'll feast on Alchemist stuffing, and even Chimera Beast! Oh Chimera Beast is a feast I can't stand it the least."

So she had an idea. An awful idea. A wonderful awful idea as it went through her head. "Why should SHE be miserable, when THEY could be miserable instead?" So she said as a fact and not as a joke, I'll make a fake Edward Elric glove and a coat! With this red coat and this glove that is thick, with this cosplay costume, I'll look just like Ed Elric.

So she stopped at a house with no chimney, that's wrong. But if Ed can do it, so can Mrs. Armstrong. She snuck in to the house and took their stockings, their presents and tags, Philosophers' stones, pocketwatches, boxes and bags. Then she went to the refrigerator and took the Alchemist treats. She took the Alchemist pudding, She took the Chimera Beast! She stuffed it all up the chimney with care, and all the state alchemists were yet to beware, she did the same thing with all the other houses, which made quite sad news, as then she went to the home of Maes Hughes. She snuck in to the house, appearing not too late, when she heard a child, who was no more than eight. "Edward Elric!" she peeped. "Why! Why are you taking our Alchemist Christmas tree? Why?" "Oh My dear sweet child" the fake Edward Elric lied. "There's a light on this tree that won't light!" "So I'm taking it to Winry's to fix it up right. I fix it up there, and then I bring it back here." As soon as Maes's daughter was in bed with her cup, Olivia turned away and stuffed the tree up. As Olivia Armstrong looked in desire, the last thing she took was the log for their fire. She left hooks and barbed wire all over the house, and also a crumb too small for a mouse. She did the same to all the other houses leaving crumbs too small for other alchemists' mouses. All the Alchemists were in bed, all the Alchemists still a snooze, now how will they transmute water into booze! "Those Alchemists in Central, I know just what they'll do. They'll all just cry boo hoo hoo! But then as the bells started ringing, the state alchemists started singing:

_It's that wintery time again! _

_You hairy military men! _

_So you best be merry then_

_O yes my friends! (It's Alchemist Christmas)_

_Doesn't matter how old you get!_

_Be you brand new soldier or yet_

_You've enrolled you dumb cadet!_

_You must attend!_ _(It's Alchemist Christmas)_

But the sound didn't sound sad, it sounded merry. Olivia's eyes were as red as the heart of a cherry.

"It came without Philosopher's stones!"

"It came without tags!"

"It came without pocket watches, boxes or bags!"

Olivia thought of something she hadn't before. She thought, "Maybe Alchemist Christmas doesn't come from a store, maybe Alchemist Christmas means a little bit more."

So as Olivia was shocked at dismay, her heart grew three sizes that day. With a smile beautiful enough for her to be asked on a date, Olivia gained the strength of 10 Armstrongs, plus 8. She brought back the presents, the stones and the tags; she brought back the pocket watches, boxes and bags. She brought everything back. As just when the Alchemists gathered to feast, Olivia, she herself, carved the Chimera beast.

Merry Alchemist Christmas, A lesson with pain, as a Fullmetal heart will come once again.

(credit to whoever made Nullmetal Alchemist for the song and the Alchemist Christmas title.)


End file.
